Used Ta To Be Local to Da Max

The April edition of Honolulu Magazine (with mucho caliente Alex O'Loughlin of Hawaii 5-0 on the cover) has an article listing 43 things every local must do. Included on the list are things eating shave ice, calling anyone older than you "Aunty" or "Uncle", having a hibachi and knowing how to use it. Although I liked the article, it seemed like a lot of the items on the list were things anyone visiting the state could do - not just accomplishments for those of us born here. So this is my list of how do you know you are truly authrntically local? 

1)   You still call Don Quixote, Daiei or Holiday Mart, refer to Longs Drugs Moiliili as Wigwam and cannot stop saying Liberty House when you go to Macy's

2)  Your children do not know the English words for "shishi" and "doodoo"

3) You had soda spilled on your head when you were hiding under the bleachers at Honolulu Stadium smoking cigarette

4)  You would walk by Otaheite just to see the naked lady painting

5)  You bought something with your name and a sunrise "custom" airbrushed on it

6)  You buy t-shirts for your visiting relatives from the Swap Meet

7)  You once saw Jack Lord at Star Market, Kahala

8)  Your grandpa only uses the stove to fry bologna

9)  Your grandma thinks chacha rice is the cure for anything that ailed you

10)  You once dated a guy named Derrick with a middle comb or a girl named Tracy who lives in Pearl City

11)  50% of your family members work for the State

12)  You secretly enjoy  "hemo skin" after a sunburn

13)  You used india ink and a needle to make a small tattoo somewhere on your hand

14)  You went to a sports event at Aloha Stadium not to watch the game but just to eat garlic fries

15)  You talk story with your friend while sitting on the toilet in adjacent stalls in a public restroom

16)  You told your Mainland cousins that the bits of ti leaf and orchid on their plate were edible and teased them mercilessly after they ate both.

17)  You try to fix your broken rubber slipper with electrical or duct tape or if you are poor, masking tape

18)  In high school, you made "double eye" using bits of scotch tape - yes, you guys know you did it too

19)  You drugged your kids with Dimetapp before you got on a flight to the Mainland so they'd knock out,  telling yourself they had "hanabata"

20)  Your grandparents drive a green Camry or if they are rich, drive a beige Lexus sedan

21)  You have a black dog named Blackie or Kuro or a white dog named Shiro, Yuki or Mochi

22)  Your grandma has a vicious chihuahua named Chibi who bites everyone but her

23)  Your uncle had to ride a moped or catch the bus for three years because he had so many DUIS

24)  You asked your cousin who is a cop to "fix up" your speeding ticket

25)   You saw Mayor Fasi and his dog, Gino, eating breakfast at Heidi's when you worked downtown

26)  You have three different types of Spam musibi makers in your cupboard

27)  The only bon dance you know it Tanko Bushi

28)  Someone gave you a red carnation George Ariyoshi lei at your graduation

29)  You graduated high school with one of the John Waihees

30)  When you went to the mainland, someone asked you if you knew Thomas Magnum

31)  Every December 31, you drive around town frantically trying to find "affordable" sashimi

32)  You eat rice with spaghetti

33)  You have had to look in the rubbish can for dentures wrapped in a napkin that a relative accidentally threw away

34)  Your middle name ends with "ko" or "lani" if you are a girl or ends with "ro" or is Ikaika if you are a guy

35)  You call your mom to see how much you should put in the envelope for a funeral

36)  You had a grandpa or an uncle who served in the 100th, 442nd, MIS or 1399th but you didn't find out until after he died

37)  There is no hamburger you have ever eaten that comes close to Chunky's

38)  You have a necklace with your name written on a grain of rice that was an omiyage gift from Las Vegas

39)  You wore bikini bottoms as underwear in Intermediate School

40)  You have a perpetual tank top, shorts and rubber slipper tan line

41)  You have a son named Junior or a  daughter named Michelle or Caitlyn (spelled in a myriad of ways)

42)  You have a guy cousin dating a bar girl or a girl cousin dating an ex-con

43)  You have an Angel's Flight jacket secretly tucked away in a closet at your house

Drean a Little Dream for You

Unless you have the Supernanny living with you, chances are you make a whole bunch of mistakes each day when it comes to parenting your child. These are mostly small little screw ups - forgetting to pack a home lunch for a field trip, sending your kid off with unwashed PE clothes, remembering that you were supposed to pick them up at 3 when it's already 5:30 - pretty minor, inconsequential things. You know that you dropped the ball but can deal with it because, well, these same things pretty much happen to you every day. What is troubling though are the bigger mistakes that many of us make when it comes to our children, in particular, believing that as Mom and Dad we have the right to impose our dreams for what they will be into their reality. From the moment we first lay eyes on our spawn, our psyches start to fill with images of what he or she will be. We picture ourselves as Michael Jordan's father, standing proudly next to his son and the shiny gold NBA championship trophy. We imagine being the official White House grandma. We tear up at the thought of our movie star daughter thanking us for all we have done when she receives her Oscar. The problem with this is that a lot of times, our dreams for our children are not what they dream for themselves. In fact, there are times that what we want for their lives is the total opposite of what they want for their lives. Because we are the omnipotent Mommy and Daddy, we assume we always know what is best. We are willing to sacrifice their present state of happiness for what we believe will be a future state of success and achievement. What is particularly ironic is that we justify stepping on their own dreams or putting them in a state of abject misery to do so. I am guilty of this myself. The Diva was accepted into a performing group at a young age and I adopted the whole stage mom persona. Dina Lohan had nothing on me. Initially, the Diva flourished and loved every minute that she could dance, sing and act. She happily went to private voice lessons with the instructor for the group and was rewarded with a solo every time the group performed. However, as time past, it was clear that what was expected of the children who were viewed as potential stars (ask anyone whose kid is involved in this kind of activity, you know really quickly which kids are the ones chosen to be headliners and which are relegated to the chorus) was 100% dedication to the program. Many of the kids were homeschooled so that they would have time during the day to rehearse and in the evenings to perform on stage. Several parents told me that it was impossible to keep their children in regular school because they would have to take off during school hours to audition or were so tired in the morning because they had been on stage until late at night. I was encouraged to consider going this route if I intended the Diva to be a "serious performer". Had the Diva been in public school, I really believe that I would have opted to homeschool her in the name of helping her make "her" dream come true. However, the thought of flushing away all of that tuition we had already paid and the stress of having her apply again outweighed the potential for her to be a star. That and the reality of having to spend hours in an enclosed theatres with the other stage parents who really got on my nerves made the decision to keep things status quo an easy one. What made me realize that things had spun out of control was the day that all of the kids were required to individually perform in front of their peers and the program heads for a "review session". Parents were not allowed to go in and I parked my car across the street from the theatre to wait for the Diva to finish. One by one, kids emerged from the theatre and I couldn't help but notice that most of them were hunched over as if they were defeated and a many of them were in tears, sobbing as they met their parents. And these were the older kids in high school. When the Diva finally emerged, her face was drenched in tears and she was so upset she couldn't even speak. She explained that she had gotten off easy because she had been told that she had talent but needed to be more dedicated to the craft, putting in more rehearsal hours, taking more lessons. "I don't want to do this anymore," she said and I knew that she meant it. Nonetheless, my desire for her to achieve the dream I dreamed of outweighed the pain that was evident on her face. I told her that she needed to be happy because they said she was talented and I'm sure there were kids there who were told they had no talent. That it was actually a positive critique because if we did what they suggested, she would be a star. Bad mom, very bad mom. After a few weeks though, it was clear that she was miserable and her love of the theatre had been crushed. She dreaded going to practice and would use homework as an excuse not to go to performances. In my heart, I still wanted to convince her to keep my dream alive, especially with a trip to the Mainland on the horizon (you know us stage moms, always delusional when it comes to the possibility of our kid getting a big break somewhere), but my mind knew that she was done. There was nothing that was going to change her mind or bring back the joy she used to feel. So, we bagged up her costume and I reluctantly bid adieu to attending the Tony Awards in 20 years accompanying my daughter, the best actress in a musical nominee. What brought this all back to me was seeing a friend whose child had finally achieved the dream she dreamed of for him after many unsuccessful attempts - entry into private school. She was ecstatic and beaming as the goal that she had devoted years of commitment (and $$$) to had been reached but he was visibly miserable. It looked like he would break into tears and if he could, he would have gladly disappeared from the face of the earth than be where he was. It was incredibly heartbreaking and I can see him as I write these words. I know that she believes this is what is best for him, that this choice will help to insure that he gets into a good college and set him on the path of a great life but at what cost? Part of me wondered if it was just my subjective interpretation of the situation. Perhaps I was tired and just reading more into his body launguage than was really there. However, once we got home, I overheard a conversation with my kids where they discussed why his parents were forcing him to go to a school that he didn't want to attend, why would they take him out of a school that he loved and was happy at, why didn't they realize that if you don't like where you are, you probably won't do well and WHY DO PARENTS MAKE YOU DO WHAT THEY THINK IS BEST FOR YOU EVEN THOUGH IT IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOURSELF AT ALL. I stopped listening when they said, "Oh, that's what Mom and Dad do to us...."