I am not a big award ceremony watcher, aside from the BET awards which always promise to deliver some sort of rapper on rapper on-stage diss and backstage beat down. I never watch the Oscars because the only movies I see in the theatres are the ones that have a merchadise tie-in with McDonalds. I try to force the Diva to watch the Tony Awards in a desperate attempt to use my Stage Mom powers and cajole her into returning to DHT or try out for anything remotely musical on the island. But most of the time, if there is an award show on Sunday, I'm usually tuned in to Bridezilla reruns or Making It Through on Kiku.
I did tune in last night to watch the Emmys, well, some of the Emmys anyway. I watched the pre-Emmy show on E because it was hosted by Ross Matthews who I adore and three comedians from Chelsea Lately. Because they were on during the day and the censors were standing by, their commentaries were not as biting and hilariously cruel as usual so I soon turned that off. I mean, when you have two snarky gay guys on a panel talking about donated jewelry and the level of excitement is like a bad QVC commercial, it's time to switch channels.
Of course, I watched the opening number, mostly because Jimmy Fallon had said in an interview that it involved the kids from Glee, Betty White and Kate Gosselin. That was a fantastic opening - esp. when Tim Gunn dressed Jimmy Fallon in the Bruce Springsteen attire, down to the red kerchief in the pants pocket. I'm sure everyone noticed that Kate Gosselin was kept way in the back row in every dance number and it was clear that even though she has returned to the warmth of her plus-eight home, she still has not managed to get her groove back. I don't think she realizes that simply dressing like a stripper does not magically endow you with the ability to dance like a stripper. Terrible, just terrible.
I didn't watch the whole show as I realized that I knew only about 10% of the actors, actresses and television shows that were nominated. I knew a few of the comedic shows, nothing about the drama category and had not seen one of the special programs or mini-series. The only category where I knew every show and could ID everyone who went on stage to accept an award was REALITY (please don't let Kim Kardashian sing again. Just because you have a big okole doesn't mean you can sing like Aretha Franklin).
Did anyone else think it was strange that a straight guy playing a gay character won best supporting actor in a comedy and a gay woman playing a straight character won best supporting actress in a comedy? Perhaps it was some kind of bizarre karmic justice for the whole controversy earlier this year about the gay guy from Will and Grace not being convincing as a straight guy on Broadway? I knew Jane Lynch was a shoe-in because the Sue Sylvester character from Glee has become iconic but I was hoping that Chris Colfer would win for his outstanding portrayal of Kurt. The guy brings me to tears in every scene he is in and his singing is angelic and pure. For many of us of a certain age, our television introduction to a gay person was via Pedro on The Real World. If you were any bit homophobic when The Real World started, chances are (if you had a heart anyway), your opinion changed 180 degrees at the end of the season. Yes, I cried when Pedro got married and when I heard he had passed away. I believe that Chris Colfer is the Pedro for my kids' generation. If you are a parent, watch the episodes of Glee where Kurt comes out to his blue-collar, mechanic father and is totally accepted by Dad for the person he is. That is the way we should all treat our children.
Okay, enough seriousness. As I was totally ignorant about 90% of the Emmys, I decided to compile a list of my own awards:
Show which makes you glad you aren't a rich, blonde white woman: Real Housewives of Washington DC (Bravo)
You know it is bad when even the ethnic folk are totally boring and drama means speaking to each other in overly enunciated syllables.
Show which makes you ashamed to be female: Bridezillas (WE network)
I have looked into the face of evil and it is draped in taffeta
Show which makes you understand why people think Asians are strange: Food Party (IFC)
If you have never dropped acid but want to know what it feels like, just watch this show. After one episode, you will feel like you have spent the past 15 minutes in a drug induced haze. Plus you will have the munchies.
Least stereotypically Asian TV personality: Ronald from Pit Boss (Animal Planet)
Ronald is always complaining about having work, drives pretty well and has a pet cat. How many Asian guys do you know who have a pet cat? Maybe his yellow-ness was diluted because he was adopted by a white family?
Most stereotypically Asian TV personality: The crew of the Nom Nom Bahn Mi truck on The Great Food Truck Race (Food Channel)
Three UCLA grads (but of course) are kicking butt on this show, selling Ba-le type Vietnamese sandwiches from a green food truck with Tokidoki-esq cho kawaii animal mascots. The two girls and the one guy are all adorable in the Korean Soap Opera idol manner. Being techno savvy, they have won for two weeks in a row by using social networking like Twitter to let people know where they are.
Show that makes me wish I was a guy: RuPauls' Drag Race (Logo channel)
In my next life, I want to be reborn as a drag queen so I can be beautiful, have a cutting wit and be sitting on a secret. I'm still seething that Tyra beat Raven and it's been months now.
Game show I want to be a contestant on: RuPaul's Drag U (Logo channel)
This is RuPaul's Drag Race for those of us with Buddha-given V-jay-jays. Femininity-challenged women are made-over by Drag Race contestants into drag divas. My kids are in a panic b/c they are casting for next season and I have told them I want to apply. They are really worried because in the most recent episode, one of the ladies flashed her nekkid huge rump to the judges to win.
TV character that I used to be like when I had a waist: Snooky from The Jersey Shore minus the sluttiness (MTV)
Okay, I was and still am on the chunky side, dressed inappropriately for someone on the chunky side, had big hair, lots of black eyeliner and was tanned (albeit real and not sprayed on). I wasn't as slutty as her though and if someone punched me in the face, I would not be crying on the ground but would kick the crap out of them.
TV character that I am like now: Roseanne
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