Recently, When Harry Met Sally aired on television. We actually have a "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" connection to the movie because the Meg Ryan fake orgasm scene was filmed at Katz' Deli which is owned by Oscar the Grouch's cousin. When Oscar and I first started going out, he would have a salami from Katz' sent to my parents for the holidays. They being of the Asian Persuasion, did not know what to do with this torpedo looking hunk of processed meat so they put it in their freezer, along with the other Jewish-tinged foodstuff that we would bring home from LA. When their freezer broke, there was enough deli stuff in there to set up a Katz' in Oahu.
But I digress as usual.
When I first watched When Harry Met Sally, I agreed with the basic theme of the movie - that men and woman cannot be friends because there is always the possibility of something happening between them, particularly if they are somewhat sexually attracted to each other. Of course, back then, I was still at the age when dating was a weekend sport and checking out guys was the real reason we'd go to the Mall. The truth is, back then, the last thing I wanted was a guy to be my platonic friend - I wanted a BOYFRIEND. Ironically, I did have a large percentage of close friends who were guys but somehow, I didn't consider them to be really guys. They were like brothers to me - which is the kiss of death for any possible hook up relationship. It's true. All you have to do is tell a guy you think of him like your brother and he knows that there is no way he is getting his hand or anything else in your jar of goodies.
Now that I am much, much older, my viewpoint on the topic has totally changed. I believe that men and women can be platonic friends, even if they are attracted to each other in anyway. At my age, even if someone hit on me, the reality is that I am just too tired, too lazy or too caught up in whatever Korean soap opera is airing that evening to accept the groin-motivated invitation. Actually, in the interest of total disclosure, the only proposition I receive on a regular basis is from one of the veterans who thinks that eventually his daily running commentary on the current state of my boobs will morph into a sweet siren's call, luring me to go to Las Vegas with him for the week (even though he cautions that all we can do is "hold hands").
The funny thing is, now that the possibility of any "boy who is a friend but not a boyfriend" getting anything from me is pretty much the same as Matt Lauer having a light lunch Kanye West, I seem to have a lot of friends who are guys. Guys who are my age or younger (as well as the guys who are older than my dad). If you check my cell phone call log, 80% of the calls listed are from my male friends while the other 20% are from the Diva complaining about some aspect of my totally rotten parenting style and how her life sucks because we are the only parents who will not let her do (fill in the blank) like all of her friends' parents.
Most of my in person and telephone conversations with my guy friend start off pertaining to some aspect of work but eventually evolve into me listening to them contemplate the meaning of their social lives or lack thereof. I have to admit that during these times, I usually read the paper or do some craft thing because I know that they do not want me to comment on what they are saying, they just want me to listen and agree with everything they say. Hey, kind of like being married, huh? So, I just throw in an "uh huh" and a "oh, you're totally right" every few minutes to assure them that I am indeed listening intently. I will also throw in an occasional, "You do remember that I have a husband and family to deal with" when the phone call starts to go into the 2nd hour of telephone therapy.
What I have come to realize is that my relationship with my male friends (the ones under retirement age anyway) is not of the When Harry Met Sally type. It is not a friendship between a man and a woman with an undercurrent of sexual tension. Rather, it is a Mommy and Son surrogacy situation. The kids pointed that out to me as they listened to one of my conversations with a guy friend. After 54 minutes of lecturing to my friend about the perils of drinking so much and encouraging him to go out and get a girlfriend, the kids told me I sounded like I was talking to them and not someone my own age. I realized that they were dead on! Perhaps with my many years of breeding and the liters of fertility medication that pulsed through my bloodstream, I am incapable to being looked at as a vibrant female and am only able to be perceived as Okaasan.
Well, the funny thing is, like with real sons, the minute my guy friends find REAL girlfriends, I become persona non grata. All communication intiated by them stops and I am expected to go back to the cave from which I crawled out of but still be available to answer their distress calls. They will occasionally text me to ask for assistance with their new relationship - you know, real important stuff like do they really need to buy something for their two week anniversary and how long should they stay at the girls house after you-know-what so she doesn't get offended.
As my cousin DD said, "This is why women turn gay...."
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