One of the unfortunate realities of living on an island economically dependent on the fickle finger of tourism is having to say goodbye to friends and family who for whatever reason decide that life on this rock we know as home is no longer for them. That long drive to the airport to bid adieu to someone is always painful and inevitably ends with a heavy duty group "ugly cry". If Honolulu City Lights by the Beamers happens to be playing on the airport musak system, all local folks will erupt in a Pavlovian howl of grief by the time the last strains of "brings me back again" hits their eardrums.
Depending on your stage of life, there are varying reasons why it seems people leave Hawaii and correspondingly, varying reactions by those left behind. In 1980, my trips to the airport to bid my Mainland college bound classmates were always happy ones - mostly because I was still under the influence of alcohol consumed at their going away parties the night before (yes children, drinking age was 18 back in the days of the dinosaurs), my plans to visit them during Winter and Summer breaks (never happened) and my naive belief that they would all return home once their studies were completed (maybe 1 in 10 came back).
Now that I am a parent myself with the possibility of children leaving for college in 5 years, the happiness I felt as a new high school graduate is replaced with a sense of dread and anxiety. As much as I tell my kids that the day I send them off to Harvard (wishful thinking) is the day I will have the parties of all parties and do the "happy dance" as I see their backs head down the jetway, I understand now why the only people who were off to the side quietly weeping were the parents and grandparents. What as an 18 year old seemed like a joyous celebration of friends tasting freedom, now seems like that commercial where the father sees his 18 year old behind the wheel as a teeny, defenseless little girl. Scary, scary.
The hardest goodbyes come when you know that the people who are leaving really do not want to do so but have no choice due to economics, change in job or health reasons. Unfortunately, this has been the most frequent type of goodbye I have had to experience in the past 10-15 years or so - people leaving because they received a Don Corleone offer they could not refuse. I'm sure almost everyone knew a police officer who reluctantly left Hawaii when the Washington State police department came here with a heavy duty push to recruit our boys and girls in blue. Our best "couple friends" signed up for this and the scene at the airport as was so painful that it is something I will never forget. Dozens of us on the ground crying our eyes out, trying to be supportive but deep in our hearts wishing they would not go. It was so bad, they almost missed their flight because they were so emotionally drained they could barely stand and walk to the gate. Everyone remained still and quiet at the gate, watching their plane pull out of the jetway, unable to move due to the finality of the whole thing. Perhaps we hoped that like in the movies, the plane would turn around and they would come running back home. It was not until we could no longer see the lights of the jet that we reluctantly parted ways.
The utterly tragic O. Henry-ish part of that goodbye is that while on the plane, the husband told the wife that he didn't want to leave Hawaii but did so because he thought that is what she wanted. In return, she told him that she also did not want to leave Hawaii but did so because she thought that is what he wanted. She later told me that if their home had not already been rented and their belongings in transit on a Matson container, they would have taken the first flight home once they got off the flight to Seattle. They did return to Hawaii after six months or so after surviving a barrage of hail, massive racism and hardcore, gun-toting gang members.
In recent years, I have gone through some happy goodbyes - well, not happy for me but happy for the people who are leaving the state. These have been what I call "Freedom Flights" where female friends who have completed their course of wifely or motherly responsibilities and are finally free to pursue the dreams they put on hold for many, many years. This week, the Diva and I took a rare evening trip to Ala Moana (even though I did lasik again for my cataracts, I still am not keen on getting behind the wheel when it's dark), for a going away party for one of my taiko buddies. Her announced relocation came as quite a surprise to me as I did not know she was even contemplating moving away nor did I ever expect the reason for the move was so she could achieve a longtime dream of obtaining a degree in theology. I prepared to cry as I said goodbye but the joy on her face and the enthusiasm that was evident in the words on her blog (where she announced her new path in life) were infectious and inspiring.
There are clearly good things that come with goodbyes. I have a lot of places I can stay for free across the nation and most of them are near a Trader Joes since my friends seem to have similar basic needs to my own. I know what hours the lei stores near my house open and close. I can pack an omiyage bag in a matter of minutes. I can also hold in my "ugly cry" until I get back to the car.
However, there are some goodbyes that you just cannot deal with. Like learning today that the Grace's by my house is going to be closing on August 20th. While I think nothing of heading out to South Dakota to visit my friend who lives in the boonies, taking a drive out to Beretania Street for some french fries the gravy is just too darn taxing.
No comments:
Post a Comment