INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE

For those of you about to work, I salute you

It has been about a month now that I returned to the workforce. While I love my job and the people I work with are really really wonderful folk (it is probably the first time I've ever worked at a nonprofit that I have worked with people who are there because they take the organiation's mission to heart), what semblance of order that I kind of maintained at home has fallen to pieces.

As I stated before, this whole Supermom thing is not for me.

I remember when I was a teen and there was a perfume commercial for Enjoli. It was a cheesy song which included the line "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, and never never never ever let you forget you're a man, cause I'm a woman (Enjoli)". Yes, the commercial was as bad as the lyrics but it is emblazoned in my long term memory drawer like all of the characters on Gilligans Island. I really think a lot of women felt pressure to be an Enjoli woman - work a demanding job then come home and be the total domestic goddess in the kitchen and hot hoochie mama in the kitchen.

Maybe that's why I never used Enjoli. Too much pressure. I didn't even use Charlie since I knew I never would be as tall, as thin or as blonde as Shelley Hack. Now, if they came out with a perfume called Roseanne that smelled like Cheetos and old laundry, that I would use.

Oscar the Grouch, knowing the type A typical Japanese chojo that I am, kept warning me that I needed to drop something from my life before I took on an additional 19 hours of responsibility. I told him, in a moment of temporary insanity, that I could handle it since those 19 hours are unaccounted for anyway. He just shook his head and I knew that he was contemplated how he would clean up the place when everything in my life shattered into tiny, bloody drops of stress.

It hasn't gotten there yet, No huge explosion but it's more like little trickles of water coming through. Like Chinese Water Torture...

My major screw up has been forgetting to sign the Diva up for her usual Summer Session at Musical Theatre. This year, the kids who are in the performing group could sign up early in March and I (in the middle of trying to meet 200+ volunteers and somehow remember names, faces, place of work, etc) blew that early deadline. No problem the deadline was extended to April but I blew that too. So, I planned to do it this Monday which was the first official day for the public to register and as I had to go into the office on my day off, I forgot. I continued to have a mental lapse until yesterday when in a panic, Oscar and I realized we had both forgotten to sign the Diva up.

Of course, there were no more spaces available. This class usually fills up the first hour tha registration opens up.

Oscar offered to take the bullet but the Diva realized that as all of the responsibility for Summer School (from requesting brochures to pick-up at swimming) falls on me and thusly, I was the one who screwed up. If you know the Diva, you can picture the environment that was at our house last night - I did not dare turn my back on her for fear that she'd launch a thousand stink eye shirikens at me if I was even in her line of sight. I guess being overly hostile is tiring since she went to sleep early but claimed that she could not sleep soundly as she cried in her dreams over her horrible summer.

As is the case with the Diva, EVERY class in the universe that she was even remotely interested in was closed so I spent this morning going through every summer school website trying to find something that she was interested and mostly, trying to find something in our vicinity. Thankfully, there was an opening in an Earth Science class that is "hands on" with trips to the beach and mountains.

And I live to see another day - until she reads this post and learns that her Summer School classroom does not have air conditioning.

Just bury me with my many cans of cremated rabbits and Lana, okay?

OTHER THINGS I HAVE FORGOTTEN SINCE GOING BACK TO WORK

1) To pay my California Bar Dues (I'm probably on some soon to be disbarred list somewhere but I have no idea where I put the darn thing)

2) To feed the dogs breakfast yesterday. Poor Tiger had to dig through the garbage and eat stale marshmallows that had been in the fridge since Rysen was born

3) My work telephone number - for the life of me, I cannot remember what it is

4) The names of anyone and everyone I've met since working who I do not see every day

5) Where I am driving to as I am driving