Bad Tiger

Another one bites the dust.

Everyone's favorite Caublasian, Tiger Woods, has joined the ranks of professional athletes who enjoy a side salad on occasion. People seem totally surprised, not because of his squeaky clean image but because the golf club swinging Mrs. Woods is a gorgeous blonde. (Now, I hate to stoop to the gutter but I can't resist sharing this joke I heard on the radio. What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seal? They both get clubbed by Norwegians.) It's like if she was a toad, it would be understandable but who cheats on someone who could easily pass for one of Hugh Hefner's rotating aryan girlfriends? That is the kind of woman you cheat WITH not cheat ON - or so says the pundits on every news channel on TV.

I am stunned by how much analysis is going on about this whole issue, mostly about the women involved in the scandal. There was a discussion on CNN about the commonality amongst skanks who get involved in affairs with high profile men. The argument was they are all "exotic in appearance" (if you consider blonde highlights and spray-tans mystical), are involved in "careers" that are not very mentally challenging and have enhanced their chesticles in some manner. So, if you are a big boobed cocktail waitress with a bleach job who hangs out by the hotel pool all day, chances are you will snag yourself a married basketball player as your secret lover. If you don't have the tan but have all the other aspects, you will become George Clooney's flavor of the day.

The spotlight now has turned from the mistresses to the Mommys. Tiger's mom and mother-in-law were apparently at the scene of the accident and if you listen closely to the 9-11 call, you can hear Tiger's mom's voice in the background. Well, at least it is assumed to be Tiger's mom by the media since the voice has an accent. You know, all of us Yellow folk sound like Hop Sing on Bonanza, especially under stress. Speculation is running rampant on why Mama Tiger and MIL were at the house.

Now, being an Asian Mama myself, I would not only have given the golf club to Elin, I would have grabbed my own 5-iron and socked my kid in his eggroll! Even if Mom was less than thrilled that Tiger brought home an Elin and not an Emiko, once those kidlets were popped out, they became the priority. You know how Okaasans are when it comes to preserving the home that their grandchildren live in. Yellow Mom may love you but once you give her grandchildren, you no longer exist in the pantheon of adoration. You were only born so you could someday give your mom a grandchild, kind of like that kid who was conceived so she could donate a kidney to a sibling. Your only purpose of being conceived by Mom and Dad were to someday be a surrogate or sperm donor to create your Mom's grandchild. Once those grandbabies are here, your only worth to your parents is to pick up what they want from Costco since they don't want to shell out money to buy their own memberships.

Someone on CNN said the reason so many well-known celebrities cheat (even if they are married to drop dead gorgeous women( comes down to opportunity, they simply have more cho-cho offered to them for free than the average Joe. It's like finding a dollar on the street. Some people may not pick it up because it is dirty and they don't know where it's been. Other people may only pick it up after making sure it doesn't belong to anyone. Some people may just leave it there because they are happy with the money they have in their wallets. Some people are so oblivious to other things they may not even know it is there. Now, imagine you are walking down the street and it starts RAINING dollar bills and you are the only person around. Wouldn't you be tempted to take at least one, figuring nobody will ever know? Of course, there are some who would grab the nearest huge net and pick up every fricking dollar bill in sight. Would it really matter if you have $10 in your wallet when there are hundreds off $1 bills floating around?

Why is it that we don't hear as many stories about famous married women being caught in torrid affairs? All we hear are reports of formerly-straight female celebs who are coming out as lesbians. Kelly McGillis from Top Gun and (gasp now), Meredith Baxter Birney of Family Ties and every Lifetime Movie of the Week that involves killing your husband. Yes, Alex P. Keaton's Mom is gay (as was the late Mr. Brady in case you have been living in a cave for the past 30 years).

I guess for females, once you go back hair, you never go back there.