What About Your Friends????

The hoopla over Sex in the City 2 is everywhere and I just don't get it. You'd think I would have related to the story of 4 single professional women living in the city as in my previous life, I was a panty-hose and suit wearing member of the professional workforce, a REAL L.A. Lawyer during the time of the tv show L.A. Law. Yet, I've only watched the show a few times late at night, when the other options were Larry King reruns or informercials. The only characters I found likeable were the gay men. Even the adopted Asian girl was irritating, the epitome of a banana in training. Yuck.

Maybe it was the lack of color that drove me from the show? Yes, my friends and I have had discussions about "doing the deed" but it never included fruity pink cosmopolitans or an avalanche of witty puns. I don't ever recall a cosmo on the table ever but I do admit, there have been several mojito episodes. That was our cave to trendy drinking.

When I try to think of how my female friends and I relate to each other, it's more like the ladies of "Living Single" and more recently, "Girlfriends" - shows that feature African American women. The concepts of these shows are the same as Sex in the City - the daily lives of different types of women in different stages of life. In Living Single, you had Khadijaa the hip hop magazine editor, Max the attorney, Regine the retail buyer (gee, I think that is what she did, kind of like the grown up Wilona from Good Times) and Sinclair the budding actress. Although it was a comedy, their conversations and experiences were more "real" to me than Sex in the City's drivel - coping with visits from an overbearing mother, dating someone from your past, coping with romantic feelings for a guy who is like your brother. Honestly, do you know anyone who could buy a pair of $2500 shoes "just because"? Even the rich b-yatches I know don't do that without a lot of contemplating.

What I also loved about "Living Single" was that of the 4 girls were all, well, fluffy. When was the last time you saw that on tv? What was even more exceptional was that there was never any discussion about how chunky the girls were nor were there any fat jokes, ever. In fact, the running joke was how Max managed to keep so thin even though she ate like a horse.

Oh, and you have to mention T.C. Carter who played Kyle the Stockbroker. If you don't get turned on listening and watching him sing "My Funny Valentine", your privates must have turned to ice decades ago.

Girlfriends (produced by uber-white Kelsey Grammar) was like the next generation of Living Single. There was Joan the attorney hopelessly looking for a husband, Toni the spoiled bitchy real estate broker (is that redundant?), Maya the ghetto fabulous legal secretary and later author, and Lynn the perpetually unemployed hapa hippy chick.

I found bits of myself in each character. Like Joan, I feel the need to personally solve all my friends' problems and often am unable to see all that I have around me in my search for that little teeny tiny thing that I feel I need to complete myself. Like Toni, I take great pleasure in dominating everything around me and I married and bred with a Jewish husband. Like Maya, I am a writer at heart and ferocious Mama Bear to my reluctant cubs. Like Lynn, I strive to live a pure, artistic life without any sense of financial responsibility (totally broke ass).

Once Toni left the show, it wasn't as fun anymore. Just like in real life. When one of your soul sisters leaves the coop, somehow the dynamics of the universe change and things will never be the same again.

I was and am a big TLC fan. Went out dressed as Left Eye one Halloween, complete with condom scotch taped to one lens of my glasses. Hey, I looked ridiculous but I did win the costume contest at Monterey Bay Canners in Ward Center (yes, it was THAT long ago - Brother Noland still had all black hair). One of the new celebreality shows on VH1 is called "What Chilli Wants" and features post-Usher Chilli's quest to find love with the help of a matchmaker. The most recent episode included some scenes of a TLC reunion at a Justin Timberlake concert in Las Vegas. Rather than replace Left Eye, Chilli and T-Boz chose to include her in the concert by using video footage and vocals. As Chilli explained, it was destiny for the three of them to be TLC and that is why Left Eye will never be replaced.

That is how I feel about my friends, especially the close ones. While I make new friends and may not see my old ones as much as I used to, nobody can be replaced. The void someone leaves when they move will never be filled, the circle just gets larger to make room for the new girls in my hood.

With the economy the way it is, I have had to say goodbye to a lot of friends who moved to the Mainland for a variety of reasons. It doesn't get any easier to say goodbye, especially when you know that chances are, you will never see them again. It is particularly difficult to say goodbye to friends who are in your same age range and who are in the same situation as you - married with kids.

I look at my circle of sisters now compared to let's say 5 years ago and it skews a lot younger and a lot more single. I feel bad because they invite me to events and 9 out of 10 times, I have to decline. There are a number of reasons why I can't go - normal ones like Oscar the Grouch has to work late, my Mom won't watch all three of the kids or I have some last minute craft or baking project for school as well as ones that are due to my age like my bedtime is before the time they are planning to go out, there is no place to sit or no AC where they are planning to go, or one I had to give most recently, I have no idea who any of the musicians at the concert. Yes, I am truly ignorant when it comes to current culture as proven by my identification of Jack Johnson as "the guy who sings that Curious George song" much to the chagrin of my friend SH who thought I was totally kidding.

While I ADORE all of my friends, I do feel like the fat girl at the disco sitting in the booth, watching everyone else's purse when I go out with them. But you know what? I enjoy this role totally. They are all so vivacious and always "on" in a good way. For them, going out is a chance to socialize - to make business contacts, to possibly find Mr. Right, to enjoy an alcoholic beverage. For me, it is all about escaping from the kids for a while. I guess the primary difference is that they are appreciating being at the place we are at while I am appreciating not being at the place where I am usually stuck.

I realized that I am so not in the space this Friday when I went to a fundraiser with one of my best friends, GB. She was dressed to the nines and was having a ball, going up to dance in front of the stage and meeting new people. I spent most of my night walking the veterans to and from the bathroom and drinking coffee. I wonder if the difference between our time at the fundraiser had less to do with our current marital status' and more with our differing ethnicities. One of the vets asked me as she was up dancing, "Your friend NOT Japanee, yeah?" Yet, if you ask us both, we will say that we had a great night.

After I dropped everyone home, the two of us went out for dessert. I complained about having to make 70 petrogylph necklaces and cleaning up dog poop while she lamented the lack of eligible men our age. It was not so long ago that our roles were switches - she was the working mom of two small boys and I was single and dating. I was so envious of her life and wanted so badly to have a child-filled life like she had. Now, I find myself wishing I had the life she has - a good job, a wonderful condo, no kids, no hubby and most importantly, peace, quiet and FREEDOM! She keeps telling me how lucky I am to have such a full household. I guess it is all perspective - while spending evenings alone to her is a lonely experience, to me, it is a rare and precious jewel! With the chaos in my home, a night being by myself is something that I yearn for, having to answer to nobody but myself seems like it will never come.

Yet even though she is not Japanee and we are at totally different ends of the relationship spectrum, I know she will always be one of my best friends and my soul sister.

Actually, if I had a friend who was like me, I'd probably not want to hang around her very much....